GET PAST THE FIRST THREE SENTENCES. - 30

Look! It's a dare! Can you get past the first three sentences?

I drink from the carton. I fart with discretion. If absolutely necessary, only under the most tenable of circumstances, I may even pick my nose. That said, I'm fairly handsome guy. I have good hygeine. I shower daily, floss and wash under my armpits. I don't work out but I've been consistently playing basketball at a high level for most of my life. Which means my body is pretty much perfect. Although I do have a heart shaped blemish on my left shoulder and one middle finger is about 1/16 of an inch shorter than the other. I also have large Cro Magnon hands which allow me to hurl small boulders at would be attackers.
Yes, I have a career. Yes, I'm happy with it. Is it my be all end all? Not sure. I don't think the future is concrete and one should be open to any possiblity or opportunity.

Intelligent women turn me on. Ignorant women turn me off. I hope you approach life with some sense of purpose and style. You should also have relatively good hygeine. I'm not into women with hairy armpits, unless, of course, you're French. That's excusable. American women already have too many issues and I'm willing to endure them all, but profuse body hair is just not cool. I also hope you have the right values and can appreciate life for its ups and downs. Not just the really exciting parts. Physically speaking, just be in relatively good shape. I'm not saying I have a sex chair or leather swing but I don't want to have to give you an oxygen pump after walking up two flights of stairs.

Remember this, everything you've just read means nothing if there is no chemistry, that all important elusive vibration that makes two people, one.

Be patient. Be supportive. Be present.

I sound like a chick!

See, my problem is that I got past the first three sentences - and kept reading. Fairly handsome - in whose opinion? His mother's? No mother is ever going to call her child ugly - at least not to his face. A perfect body from playing basketball? What if I don't consider basketball bodies perfect but prefer soccer players or swimmers? Hmmm? I do like that he pointed out his hand size - I'm sure it's supposed to be a sly allusion to his penis size, but rather, it makes me think that he hasn't fully developed into a homo sapiens, but is rather caught somewhere betwixt our ancestors and how we are now. And if he doesn't want a woman with hairy armpits, am I allowed to demand that I want a virtually hairless guy? I'm so not a fan of the massive amounts of fuzz some guys have, and I feel that since he has Cro-Magnon hands, he might have Cro-Magnon body hair EW! His ego obviously hasn't evolved from a neanderthalish state, and thus, I'm not going to be patient with, supportive of, nor present for him.