The funniest MSW AD in the WORLD

I'll admit it. I am drawn to the ads that read like novels these days. It gives you much more room for commentary.

If you are going to put the effort of placing an ad you should take the time to write one that reflects who you are and the type of person that you interested in meeting. Many other ads seem to be placed by wealthy Mensa member Brad Pitt look a likes that are addicted to acronyms like SWM seeking G/D/E/ @###. This ad is mostly free of acronyms and tries to paint a picture of who I am and who I am looking to meet. If I can help it I do not jump out of airplanes onto a motorcycle. The reason that I chose to try Craigslist is because my other method of meeting women, randomly honking them on the street has not been working. Perhaps if I was in a car it would work better.

So you are sitting in front of your computer at work or at home reading the personal ads. You might be actively looking to meet someone or you just think that they are fun glimpse into the psyche of the Bay Area.
The women of this city have so many choices of ads to respond to so I wanted to make this ad fun to read and easy to respond to.
So I have come up with a few questions to make responding to this ad easier than renting office space in Soma.


(Per recommendations I have placed the questions near the top of the ad to make it easier for the Craigslist Public to respond to these questions)
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Also if you think, I really liked this ad but I am not going to take the time out of my dashing life to answer a bunch of questions for a person that may not be my type (we all have a “type” of person that we are attracted to and there is nothing wrong with that) simply respond by saying, “I liked your ad but before I take time out of my dashing life to answer all of your silly questions send me a photo (the one of you and the dog that is not yours,) so I can determine if you are my type and thus we save us both a good deal of time.

And I do not care if you are simply responding to get the picture of the dog. The dog that is not mine is a really cool dog.
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You: Do you smile more times than not? Are you happy person?
Question: What is the most appealing thing about you when someone sees you for the first time? Has known you for a year?

Question: Describe yourself to someone that needs to pick you out of a crowd of people (Not really a question)

Question: What motivated you to 1) read the Craigslist personals? 2) Read my ad? 3) Respond to my ad? Any Crazy Craigslist or Personals stories?

Question: What is your favorite Holiday and why?

Question: What is funny to you?

Question: The stigma of “We met on the Internet” has died down as of recently but it is still fun to make up a bit of shared personal mythology on how we met. We are at a swanky Cocktail party and I meet your friends for the first time. How would you tell them how we met?

More questions if you are the type of woman that thinks, “Random strangers simply do not ask enough questions of me!”
1) If they made a movie about your life what type of movie would it be?
2) What is the best part about living where you live?
3) If you had to recommend a book, a movie and a CD to me what would you suggest?
4) What is the funniest thing you have ever done?
5) What makes you smile?
6) On an airplane are you a window or aisle?
7) What is in your CD player now?
8) If you could hang out with the characters from Seinfeld or Friends what would it be?
9) You are flying to Austraila. What movies would you want playing?
10) Describe your ideal first date with someone you meet via the Internet.
11) How active is the word “Hella” in your general vocabulary?

Bonus Points Do you play Scrabble or Trivial Pursuit?

Bonus Points: Send a photo of yourself (not required but remember, you get bonus points!)

Double Bonus Points: If you have a pet send their picture too.

Tell me how you would you use these bonus points.

About me I am a 34-year-old white male I have black hair and brown eyes with broad shoulders. If David Spade is your idea of the ideal man then I am not the one you are looking for. I love dogs but own the coolest cat. Currently my favorite band is Cornershop and I am hoping to have Tom Jones and Neil Diamond to tour together. I like to read and go to Java Beach.. I enjoy quiz night and Oakland A’s games. I am monolingual but I am in the process of learning Italian as I hope to travel there next year. I have screwed up toast and melted butter on separate occasions but I make good shellfish. My favorite city abroad is London and my favorite American city to visit is New Orleans.

An example of a funny thing that I do is I take down the phone number of payphones at baseball games. I then step away from the phone and then dial it using my cell. Watching people stopping to pick up the phone is always funny.

If you respond to the ad I will send you a photo with a dog and me. The dog in the picture that I would send is not mine. He is a very cool dog. If you want I can send another photo with me on a pyramid. If you do not like animals then you may not want to respond as I like dogs and cats.
OK and what about you…

Age: I am 34 years old so the youngest you can be according to the half your age plus seven rule is 23.5 but I prefer women that are at least 26. If you’re interested I can show you the brilliant math, which will win me a Nobel Prize if it’s a slow year in Math.

The basis for this age range is that each person should date someone that has the same memories of Saturday Morning Cartoons as your own. One thing that bugs me is that cartoons seem to be replaced by third rate teenage sitcoms/soups about starting a rock band in high school in California.

Geography: I am seeking someone that is geographically desirable to North Beach as I work there and thus am in the neighborhood quite a bit.

Here are some random facts about me and some likes/dislikes

I do not like it when you go into a public restroom and not only do they have those electric hand dryers, someone chooses to save electricity and sets the thing on low so you give up and then wipe your hands on your pants and you cannot look cool with wet marks on your pants.

I do not like over ripe bananas.

My favorite show is The Office on BBC America.

My favorite albums of all time are Blood on the Tracks, When I was born for the seventh time, Pet Sounds, Super Fly Soundtrack and the White Album.

I like smaller movie theaters (I will choose the Balboa over the Metreon). They have double features.

Big fan of quality randomness.

My favorite place to go is Java Beach in the Sunset.

I have a black and white tuxedo cat. If you are allergic to cats or you want to steal cats please do not respond.

I like bars or clubs where one does not have to fight to get to the bar to order a drink. Bonus points if they have couches.

If the weather is nice during football season I would rather be outside doing something than hanging around the house watching the game.

Dogs like me. If you have a dog then you will get bonus points. You will also get points if you have a cat.

If I have to go to a grocery store I would rather go to Trader Joes.

I like coffee places that offer refills. I also like it when they have couches.

When I go to one of those places that have one of those self serve soft serve ice cream machines, I put on all of the different toppings. I do not go to these places often.

All used books stores should have a cat. It just makes sense. Or a dog.

I like day baseball games. Especially weekday games on a sunny day.

Farmers markets are a good thing.

Instead of a dream car I go on a lot of random trips.

I think women look good with glasses. Black rimmed classes are even better.

My favorite English Football team is QPR (bonus points if you can tell me what that stands for)


I think accents are sexy.

I like carnivals but do not like carnival rides.

Used to have a fear of red jello and a current fear of being locked into a porta pottie..


As far as cooking I make really good shell fish but somehow managed to screw up the melted butter.


Even though I have been living in the Bay Area for several years I still think the way the sunset over the pacific and reflects on the ocean is beautiful. (I am not going to say I like walks on the beach as I do but this ad is generally a cliché free ad)

My favorites authors are Douglas Adams, Zadie Smith Nick Hornby, John Irving and Kurt Vonegut.

When I first moved to the Bay Area I thought North Beach would have an actual beach.

I do not know how Airplanes fly.


I am more attracted to teachers over Strippers.

All of my knowledge and opinions on current events is based on theonion,com.

INTP but I am outgoing.

I have the theme from the Dukes of Hazard on my iPod.


I enjoyed writing this ad and getting a response from you will make me smile.

So in exchange for responding to my questions you will get a picture of me and a dog (that is not mine but is a very cool dog). I will answer any crazy questions that you may have.

Tell me random things about you.

You get bonus points if you send a photo of yourself but it is not required. I do not know what you would do with the bonus points anyway. Try to get a discount at a bookstore or something. Or if you are traveling you can tell the gate agent that you have bonus points, Let me know if that works.

He actually included a picture with the ad too. The dog was cute -- a white fluffy thing like Gloria likes. That's all I'll say about the photo.