Incredibly dashing swain looking for dreamboat cutie pie (Karate Sex). - 25

I am sort of amused by this ad. I don't think I should be, but I am:

I'm a Midwestern transplant, originally from the Chicagoland area. After finishing up my bachelor's I settled in Boston to work doing electrical engineering. Benefits to dating me:

1. I make a decent amount of money. That doesn't mean I'll spend it on you, but it does mean that monetary issues will never dominate the relationship. In other words, we can eat at the Olive Garden all seven days of the week, baby. No Taco Bell. Unless you want it, and even then, we can get A LOT of Taco Bell.

2. I own my own car. If the mood catches us right, we can copulate (fuck) on the hood. I doubt that will happen though, since females and my Catholic upbringing have made me incredibly insecure, meaning that I'd never bring up the possibility for fear of being rejected, and if you were to bring it up I'd feel incredibly guilty and embarrassed (and end up just jerking off to the fantasy in my shower).

3. I enjoy black humor. By that, I mean not Bernie Mac or any of the "Original Kings of Comedy," but rather, jokes about ethnicities, sexual orientations, sexual perversions, and children who've been killed by serial killers. It's okay though, because I am ethnic (you'll have to guess which races!), I have friends who are gay (and who love it when I mock them for coming out of the closet and making such hard choices in their lives), am sexuality perverted (see: 2), and have dominated (killed) children*.

4. My friends are awesome, but none of them live in this city. My friend Frodo** in New York is a writer who knows lots of other famous writers, and sometimes, he'll call and tell me the fun things he does. Anytime he calls and tells me what famous rockstar he had dinner with just to rub it in my face while I watch a Miami Vice DVD, I promise I'll relay the story to you! My friend Bilbo*** owns a casino and can eat thirteen lobsters in one sitting! No friends in Boston means all of my attention will go towards you and cable television.

5. I have my own condo, with no roommates. This means we could have dirty anal sex right on the floor of my kitchen without the drummer of some shitty band I'm forced to live with walking in on us. Seriously. I can be balls deep in your ass for hours without anyone seeing us (unless being watched turns you on and is something you're game for, in which case, see: 2).

If you're interested in meeting for sodapop and cuddling, please be female. I will be male. If you wish, we can meet in a parking lot somewhere, and I'll do as many push-ups in front of you as I can before you decide to go anywhere with me. I'll probably respond to any responses which include pictures much quicker than I will just text. This is because I will be able to tell if you are sexy from your pictures (if they're recent). It's okay if you're not sexy, because sexiness is subjective, and don't take it the wrong way if I don't respond. That just means you either need cosmetic surgery, or you need to send your photo to other Craigslist posts, ones like SKINNY BWM NEEDS A FAT FUCK or WANT METH? SWAP FOR BLOWJOB (FACIAL). Those people may very well be able to offer you things I cannot.

All I want is a woman I can be proud to show on my arm at TGIFriday's (we will go there days of the week other than Friday, if that is your desire).

Oh. About me. I'm large build, about 6'3" feet, 230 pounds. Half Irish, and half Italian, half Dutch (I know that's three halves---my penis is huge). I have hair and eyes (2), and no facial blemishes or herpes or anything like that. My friend Jim says I'm a "sexy beast," whatever that means. I don't know the too-cool-for-school lexicon these days.

*I have not killed children. This was an example of black humor. Time to huff paint!

**Not his real name.

***His real name****.

****That is a joke. Let's kill children to gain power!

See? There's something amusing about it.I'm really not sure what. Maybe it's because my work is so non-amusing. Or unamusing, if you like. However, he's an enormous person at 6'3 and 230lbs, and probably could crush me by sitting on me. So we'll skip this one (too).