YOU TARZAN. ME JANE. No, wait. Tarzan confused - 35

Okay, I'm done with that whole "Shaken, not stirred" foray into internet dating. I got some 50-odd responses, leaving me to believe that the guys of Boston are really eager to date - well then, why don't I see them when I'm out? Oh right, going out in groups of guys the majority of the time generally hurts one's chances at meeting new guys. Must work on that. I have one more date set up for this weekend, and we'll see how it goes (if it goes poorly, don't worry, there will be a post on it. Already, it's not looking like things'll be going in his favour as he uses the space bar very oddly, but we'll see. He was cute).

Anyway, for your enjoyment. This was not a response to my ad, but rather one I found on Craigslist awhile ago. I almost wrote him because he was so damn funny. I don't know what happened, I suppose I forgot. Because I'm really forgetful like that. Oh well.

Tarzan:

• Live through thirty five white summers and winters.


• Level head, but sometimes off wall.


• Big brain! Spend time at big university! Get important piece of paper! But maybe spent too much time in front of human and chalkboards with funny symbols. Only talk in grunts and computer code. Can type two thousand words in minute, as long as all those words "argh".


• Not six feet. Only five-ten. If Jane have height fetish, maybe Tarzan fix Jane up with big ape friend Bobo instead.


• Like smashing little white ball with bat. I swung from Pesky Pole, then green monster mad!


• Love following waves at beach with no board! But water in Boston too dirty. Tarzan only like clean water.


• Tarzan like sound. Maybe some day Tarzan become big rock star and do sound for Van Halen.


• Usually mellow, but sometimes urge to do interesting new thing like tour land of baguette-eaters or jump out of big metal bird.

Tarzan want Jane:

• Between twenty-three and forty-three summers old? Tarzan somewhat flexible.


• Have sense of humor. Must make Tarzan laugh! But Tarzan laugh easy, especially if Jane smart.


• Help drag Tarzan away for more time near trees and waves. Like trying new things! But Tarzan not push Jane out of big metal bird if Jane not want.


• "Rubenesque" OK with Tarzan.


• Not just respond "Jane like Tarzan ad! So, tell Jane more about Tarzan." Tarzan need something to work with!

• Tarzan like email. Tarzan like "You've got mail!"

You have to admit, that's pretty damn clever and funny, and I always enjoy an ad that can genuinely make me laugh, rather than just making me laugh at the poster for being a big flaming moron. Maybe I will upload a little gold star graphic that I can use to tag such posts. Too lazy to do that as well.