Shaken, not stirred - How lame can one get?

Apparently, pretty damn lame.

Here is a reply:

I'm 5'10", brown hair and blue eyes that can see into you. I'm clean cut and professional, my job demands it. I can cook, clean, and can do well with a hammer or screwdriver in my hand. You never know, you could have already seen me walking around. Was I be the guy in the jeans and t-shirt coming out of the coffee shop, or the guy just finished up that all important executive meeting wearing the best money can buy. Or was I someone else you didn't notice. This is not bull. And I am not bull.

Okay, that was a whole bunch of baloney, but the last line killed me. I couldn't help responding, "But are you bear?" Get it? Do you really? Bull and bear, stock market terms? I thought I was pretty damn clever. I still think I am, what a great pun that was, and I'm bad at such witty remarks. I must have said some other stuff, because his next response was:

I am an amalgam of them all. I can stand out, or disappear when I need to. That's why I said you could walk by me and not know it. I guess it is the cloak and dagger side of me? Am I a bear though? Actually yes I am. I am part Russian :) Sorry had to do it.

My first thoughts: Ewww. Hairy Russian. Ewwww. EWWWWW. YUCK.

I don't know why, but I wrote back to him. Oh yeah, I told him to tell me more about himself. And this is what I got:

I'm 24, 5'10", brown hair and blue eyes that can see into you. I am the guy that does not exist anymore. I have manners, I hold open doors, I say thank you, a guy who is willing to go the extra mile, the type of guy that only exists in the black and white movies. I can hold my own in a conversation and even start one that is not based on booze or sports (although I do like both topics). You can walk by me in the street and not even know it. I could be the guy in the jeans and t-shirt coming out of the coffee shop, or the guy just finished up that all important executive meeting wearing the best money can buy, whatever is called for at that time, I can do. I don't need to go out 7 nights a week, I'm happy curling up on the couch watching a movie, the Sox or whatever is on that sounds good. I can take a joke, be the butt of a joke, or dish it out when the time is right. No matter what, I will make you feel comfortable. I'm clean cut and professional, my job demands it. I can cook, clean, and can do well with a hammer or screwdriver in my hands.

I'm sorry, is he some sort of automated response system where he spews out the same baloney every time? This is not enigmatic or mysterious or whatever he's trying to be (and failing at), this is just plain ol' pathetic. He ceased to be amusing, so I stopped writing.