Shaken, not stirred - Idiots who insult.

This snow? Really stifling my social life (which really consists of dragging various friends out to bars and drinking up a storm and making fun of other people. Yes, I could drink in my apartment, but when who am I going to make fun of?). Anyway, onto the point of this post.

That old adage, you can catch more flies with honey than with vinegar, is a saying for a reason. First impressions count tons. Especially if the first impression is made over email. You have time to think over your words carefully and to present yourself as best you can. Because, really, this is all about marketing skills.

That's why I fail to understand why some guys thought it was okay to make what I interpret as veiled insults. For instance:

I just want to say that I work at a group home for retarded people... and there's this one guy who's always saying that line: "I'll have a martini... SHAKEN, NOT STIRRED... Mr. Bond." That's about it. You can also email me if you might be interested.

If I'm not mistakened, he paralleled me to a mentally retarded guy. That's not going to make me view him favourably. So I wrote back and asked if he meant to compare me to a retarded guy. Normally, I'd let it go, but I desperately needed further clarification. He said he didn't mean it. He has nice forearms, I might give him a second chance (I have no qualms admitting that I am shallow.)

whats up yea i can see that you got a lot of free time write me back let me know more about u i am a 24 music grad student new in boston

I have to say, I am very impressed because not only did he insult me by saying I have too much free time, but he also managed to use NO punctuation nor capital letters in his entire email. It's just awesome.

Interesting profile to say the least....whats going on?

Questioning me. What the hell? When you reply, it's your turn to share a little bit about yourself, not to cast doubt upon me.

Are u for real???....you sounds too good to be true....

And this one is questioning my existence. Dumbass. I was tempted to write back something involving philosophical existence, but I just didn't have it in me.

the girl next door but hotter??? is that possible

Yeah, this whole questioning me thing is not going to get you in my good graces.

Not sure.. the girl next door to me is REALLY HOT!

I think I'll write back to this one, "Then go date her, what are you bothering with craigslist for?"

So, lesson #2 (please remember that lesson #1 was to NOT use your full name for safety's sake): If the best first impression you can make is by insulting someone, it's not going to get you anywhere (unless you are cute, heh).