Real-Life Tales of Online Dating Pt. 3

Yes, it is time for yet another tale. I've decided that you're ready for the story that first inspired me to start writing here. In keeping with my last post, this is another tale about honesty.

I had answered this guy's ad a couple of months ago. He sounded intelligent and he made me laugh. We did have some differences on how to make chili, though. Perhaps I should have taken that as a sign. Then he sent his photo and I discovered that this nice guy was actually attractive. We eventually agreed to meet for coffee. What a surprise! He actually looked like his picture. He also seemed normal in person.

When I got home, I quickly sent Gloria an email. She kept telling me that there had to be something wrong with the guy because he just seemed too perfect. I knew that his imperfection would surface eventually but had no idea what it would be. (We all have imperfections. That's just a fact of life. Me? I can be anal retentive about the silverware drawer.)

A couple of nights later, I was talking to him on the phone. He said that he didn't think that I was that into him because I didn't ask enough questions. Whatever. I asked him why he was trying CL. He said he had gotten out of a relationship a while back and was trying to get back into dating. How was I supposed to know that I was supposed to delve more.

At this point he told me his tale. He was married for five years, but they parted ways because they had become more like brother and sister (his words). He then went on a partying binge. And then a wonderous thing happened. He found -- wait for it, wait for it -- the word. That's right I said it. He found the word and it changed his life. (For those of you not in the know, that would be the Bible.) He then started dating a woman from his church. They decided that sex was for procreation, not recreation. Therefore, only married people should have sex. They abstained for a year and a half. When they decided to break up, they gave into temptation and got busy. A friend of mine said that it seems like if you are going to have break-up sex, then you should use at least four forms of birth control. Of course, these are born again Christians we're talking about so that was not in the cards. End of the tale? He is now the proud father of a ten month old daughter. Oh, and he's not available to date during the week because he tries to visit his daughter every weeknight. Needless to say, I haven't spoken to him since that night.

Now onto my favorite topic ... honesty. It seems to me that there are some things that one should include in one's ad on CL. Things like religious beliefs. Things like fatherhood. If you are not willing to put these in the ad, then you should be forthcoming during the email barrage. (We emailed each other at least 10 times before agreeing to meet.) If you don't approve of drinking and partying, then just come right out and say it. The problem I have found is that people are more concerned with finding someone who has similar interests instead of finding someone with similar values. If you're really looking for a relationship, then it's the latter that matters most. You'll never get there if you aren't honest about who you are.