Liberal Horny Guy Seeks Big-Bosomed Republican - 25

That old adage, "opposites attract"? Apparently, this guy believes it in spades. My comments in italics, because I am too lazy to be continually using blockquotes.

Love is in the air. I can feel it. Can you? Love is about an adversarial relationship. Love stems from the seeds of hatred that are planted between two people--two people that don't really like each other. If you agree, read on, my love...[And already, I knew this ad was off to a good start.]

WHAT I'M LOOKING FOR:
You are a Republican. Your brain has stopped functioning, so I should be able to take advantage of you quite easily. [The liberal part of me loves this.] We'll talk about prayer in school, 'nucular' threats posed by poverty-stricken third-world countries, your love of Krazy Karl Rove, and your surprise at North Korea possessing 'nucular' weapons (even though they've been announcing this for years).Maybe you'll talk about how Howard Dean is the devil because you're scared he may actually work to improve conditions for all Americans, rather than just the top 2 percent (which you are not a part of, but you hope to be some day). [Ah, he's a Dean fan. Hrm, we would definitely not get along. Dean reminds me of a little loud fire hydrant. I was a Clark girl myself.] This will make you little more than putty in my hands. You voted for Bush because he represents values and faith. You have no idea what this means, but you're easy, so it doesn't really matter. And even though you claim to be a religious conservative, the gloves (and inhibitions) come off in the bedroom. You are at LEAST a 36C and between 5 and 6 feet tall. And your stamina almost matches mine. Almost. Obviously, you are white (though if you are Asian, you are exempt from all requirements except the 36C and stamina guidelines). [Glad he's not picky, mm?] If you enjoy racquetball, that's a major plus. [I have never understood racquetball. Wait, is it like squash? Maybe it's squash that I don't understand. Tennis is so much more fun, and you get to wear tennis skirts.]

ABOUT ME:
I voted for John Kerry. I still believe in the separation of church and state. And I believe that gay marriage not only will not send the country down the toilets, but will show true compassion and acceptance of diversity to the rest of the world. I am college educated. The world's biggest antagonist is not outside the United States, nor is he outside of Washington DC (unless he's down there tending to the ranch). [I understand that he hates Bush, but you don't need to beat a dead horse.] I can spell a lot of words and use correct grammar without using the built-in Microsoft Word spellcheck. [Ah, I think I'm in love.] I read the newspaper on a regular basis. [Really. In love.] And though at this point we may seem like polar opposites, I think we'll have a lot of fun together. I also like dogs and good movies (Shaun of the Dead, Fahrenheit 911, Bowling for Columbine, Fog of War, There's Something About Mary, etc.). [Shaun of the Dead was a good movie? Okay, our movie tastes are definitely not similar, as I didn't see any of those movies, with the exception of the last listed, because I knew I'd just be grumpy throughout.]

OUR IDEAL FIRST DATE:
We'll start off the night with a candle-lit dinner at Olive Garden (I always throw up after eating there, but you love it, and this should get you into bed faster). [Maybe he's a misogynist. He really doesn't have very high expectations for the girl he wants to go out with.] We'll finish it with a large piece of carrot cake in a liberal Pasadena coffee shop. [I want to email him and ask if it's Busters. It's gotta be Busters! Busters is the best in the area. All of you not from Pasadena won't understand this, unfortunately.] You'll fume when you see the two women at the next table holding hands. But you'll bottle your aggression and fear to take out on me in the bedroom later in the evening, and the delicious carrot cake should promise to calm your nerves a little bit. At the end of the night (before bed, of course) we'll go down and laugh at the half-wits hanging around Green Party headquarters (I think they parked their VW Bus down by Fair Oaks and Del Mar, but I'm not sure). [Hee hee hee.]

So email me your picture and a brief biography. It should be brief, because I just described you above.

Ah, really, it's a shame that this witty one is in LA and not Boston. Although I'm not a republican, so we can't do that whole opposites-attracting thing. Then again, with similar values, you can make fun of all the others, of which I am always a big fan.