I WANT TO GET MARRIED - 27

I know that this is really long, but bear with me, it's worth it. I've added my comments in italics.

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I am a 27-year-old financial services representative and just started this career that will earn me over $200,000 a year. There are too many women in LA who play games, they date but aren't serious about relationships, they give out their phone number but won't return messages (yes, I do this, but that's because I'm apparently incapable of lying about my phone number which is really weird. Often, also, giving a guy your phone number is the easiest way to get rid of him. It'd be even more effective if I used a fake one. Oh well) and there are women who date multiple guys at once because "they don't know which one they like best" Well, I for one am sick of it. I have completely removed myself from the dating scene (good. there are too many putzes out there) because I am sick of games and I am sick of being played. I just want to get out of the rat race and just get married. (He's 27. Why the hell is he so jaded?) I know for a fact that there are women who feel the same way I do. They have been played by men who use and violate their bodies and they are sick too and if that woman is you, I feel that I am the right man for you so read this ad and reply. (And that's right, all these women are reading Craigslist as well.)

VITAL STATS
Height: 5'11"
Weight: 160 lbs (7% body fat) Hair: Brown w/gold hi-lites (Dude, he has highlights? I don't want to be dating/married to a guy who spends more money and time on his hair than I do.) Body type: Athletic. I have a firm tummy and I do 100 sit-ups daily. (I hate guys who refer to their stomachs as "tummies". That's a little kid word, and we're all grown up now.)
Eyes: Brown
Facial Hair: clean shaven (most of the time)
shoe size: 9.5 (Is this so we can gauge penis size as well? He has small feet. Then again, feet size really make no predictor for penis size because I used to go out with this guy who was 6'4 and had size 13 feet, and his penis was not reflective of this at all.)
IQ score: 122 (a score between 120-140 means you have superior interlect, Above 140 makes you a genius) ("superior interlect", yet he cannot spell. Guess that's why he's not a genius.)
favorite color: green (Jade green, like on the Irish flag. That is why the letters are green!!!!) (I pondered over this one for awhile. There was no green anywhere in the post. It must be that superior interlect kicking in again.)
sign: I DO NOT BELIEVE IN ASTROLOGY!!!!! My birthdate is March 13, 1978 so you figue it out. (Dude, astrology is fun, especially if you are into over-analysing and procrastinating.)
Faith: Christianity (Penacostal)
Ethnicity: Ready for this one? OK! Cherokee Indian, African, French, Irish, and Portuguese.
Favourite city in the world: VANCOUVER, BRITISH COLUMBIA, CANADA (Why is this in all-caps? Is he from Canada? I don't like Canadians.)
Favourite country that I have visited: Australia!!!!! (Canada is a close second)
Best country in Europe: France!!!! (French people and all Francophones worldwide rock!!!!) (Ahhh, my eyes, too many exclamation points. French people actually suck. French culture, namely French food, on the other hand, is unparalleled.)

"JE SUIS FIER DANS MON SANG FRANCAIS!!!!!!" (He's not even all French. Not even half. Well, I guess he could be half. But he's probably not even that much French. What's wrong with him?)

Languages I can speak: English, Spanish, and French (Shouldn't he be listing French first, since he's so proud of his Frenchness?)
Languages I am learning to speak: German, Portuguese, Italian, Russian, Romanian,
and even Mandarin Chinese. (By learning to speak, he better really mean it. Because I know people who claim to know umpteen languages, but they can't say anything more than hello, thank you, and the names of different food dishes in the various languages. Because if we're counting by this latter strategy, well, wow, I know like 20 languages.)
Smoke: no
Drink: yes
Drugs: NEVER!!!!!! I prefer my IQ score to stay at 122 or even higher if possible. (Stop bragging, you moron. 122 is not brag-worthy. Also, IQ measures nothing. NOTHING.)
Favorite music group: Depeche Mode Favorite type of music: Industrial (Rammstein, Front 242, Gravity Kills) I also like British-style Electronica like Ladytron (if you know who Ladytron is I will be SUPER impressed!) and I like listening to Sara McLaughlin, Enya, Sinead O'Connor (I think female Irish singers have the most beautiful voices) and Bjork (not Irish)
Music I Hate: Country, R&B, Boy Bands, Britney Spears and Britney Spears rip-offs (i.e. Shakira and Pink) and any music of such genre. (i.e. Ricky Martin, Mark Anthony, 112, and R. Kelly). (This is one big party-pooper we're talking to here.)
Favorite animal: Dolphin (Koala is a close second) (What kind of dumbass category is this? It sounds like something random Watch Boy would ask me.)
Favorite book: Seven Habits of Highly Effective People by Steven Covey. I like to read books on self-motivation. For example, books written by Tony Robbins, Zig Ziglar, Jim Rohn, and Marta Monahan. Also, I like The Courage to be Brilliant by Marta Monahan. (People who read self-help books of any sort should seek real help. I understand reading one or two. But when they make your "favourite books" list, you know you're in trouble.)
Dogs or Cats? Dogs, big ones. I do not like little toy dogs or stupid dogs (like dalmations). (I bet this is because big dogs are "manly." I also bet that secretly, he likes "stupid dogs".)
Vanilla or Chocolate? Vanilla because chocolate is fattening and bad for your health. (Seriously. Total buzzkill. Chocolate is not fattening in small quantities, and studies have shown that dark chocolate contains more antioxidants than many berries. So take that, Mr. I-Wouldn't-Know-Fun-If-It-Hit-Me-On-The-Head.)
My original hometown: Rolling Meadows, Illinois (30-minute drive from Chicago)
Liberal or Conservative: Conservative (anti-abortion) (I almost stopped reading at this point. Anti-abortion? I don't believe that any guy gets to even have a say in the abortion debates, but that's just me.)
Political Party Affiliation: Independent (However, I support more conservative issues) (Fucking Canada-loving Republican.)

WHAT I LOOK FOR IN THE PERFECT GIRLFRIEND (Please note the usage of the word "perfect". Jackass.)
Turn-ons:
1. Women who are trustworthy, feminine, and have good hearts and morals.
2. Women who can count the number of people she slept with on ONE HAND. (You'll get EXTRA points for that) (But if you count like I do, which is that each finger represents three (look at your fingers. Note the creases for each knuckle. See how there are three spaces? That's how I count), then you can sleep with up to FIFTEEN people and still be considered perfect!)
3. Women who can appreciate what a good boyfriend has to offer and never takes a good one for granted.
4. Women who love to travel and experience life. I would love to be able to see new places for the first time together, have fun together and to experience things together. A woman should also be my best friend as well as my mate. (He wants one person who will fulfill all his various needs. What pressure. What a control freak.)
5. Eyes. The eyes are my favorite place on a woman's body because they are the gateway to a woman's soul. I love to just stare into a woman's eyes for hours communicating a million words at the speed of light without making a sound. When it comes to outside appearances, I am more attracted to the eyes than any other part of a woman's body. I really do not care too much about the other places. (Bullshit he doesn't, because if he didn't he wouldn't have listed his personal stats, and he also wouldn't have posted a picture where he is (unfortunately) shirtless. Plus, guys who constantly stare into a girl's eyes are creeeeeeepy.)


HERE IS MY LIST OF TURNOFFS:
1. Women CAN NOT be stuck-up, arrogant, and have a conceited attitude. (It's OK to be a bitch once in a while to some people but not to everyone you meet) Those women will NEVER earn my attention and/or respect! (I am all those things, and YAY! I will be ignored by the poophead!)
2. Women who say that they have "experienced everything" and have "been everywhere" and say that they are bored with that and want to settle down. (Hello, isn't he the one advertising for a wife?) There are a lot of things I haven't done in my life that I would like to do and it just ruins the mood when a woman says "been there, done that, I got bored and now I'm done doing it." That makes the woman seem like she is better than me and makes me feel less about myself.
3. Women who do not do their fair share in making a relationship work (i.e. Gold diggers bimbos, and fair-weather girlfriends)
4. Women who have a lot of emotional baggage and lots of drama. It's OK to have some issues, (I have issues too (no shit)) but if a woman is suicidal, in need of psychiatric help, therapy, or needs prescription drugs to control her issues, I probably would not be interested in dating her. Drama queens are definately a turn-off!!!) I PROMISE to be the most loving and caring boyfriend a woman could possibly ask for and my shoulder is ALWAYS available to cry on. (As a makeup artist my job is also to ba an amateure psychiratrist to assure that a woman is beautiful and to not put too much pressure on herself so therefore I can be a counselor as well as a boyfriend, I don't mind that) (What the hell? He's a makeup artist? Notice that in his opening salvo he says he's a financial services representative. What happened?) However, I shouldn't have to spend 24 hours of my busy, busy, busy days keeping a razor out of a woman's hands so she won't slash her wrists with it!!! (He's a busy man. Really really really busy.)
5. Women who are constantly around her guy friends or groups of guys but never with her girlfriends. It's OK for women to have guy friends, I'm not jelous but I shouldn't have to impress a woman's male friends just to date her (I had those problems in the past where I had to go through the guy friends just to get to that one. It is not worth it.) (Someone has an inferiority complex!)Also I just think it is weird for a woman to have a lot of male friends and hardly any female friends. (WHY?) A woman should have more girlfriends than guy friends. (I repeat, WHY? Where is this mysterious rule book is such a thing dictated?)
6. Women who use their bodies to impress people, no matter how pretty they are. (I repeat (again), he has posted his BODY FAT PERCENTAGE. I don't need ot say anymore.) I feel that the value of your brain should match the value of your body. Also, if a woman's body is not perfect, that's okay, however, no woman should EVER overcompansate by saying thoughtless things like "My big fat body is the hottest thing on the planet, etc." That is false confidence and that is NOT SEXY!!! That also shows just how shallow a woman is and that she has nothing better to say about herself that "My big black booty attracts all da brothas" If you need an example of what I am talking about, look at the guests that appear on Ricky Lake or Jenny Jones. I DO NOT DATE RICK LAKE GIRLS!!! A woman like that is just as bad as a Playboy centerfold walking down Rodeo Drive with her fake-looking Barbie-doll body saying "My fake boobs make me more beautiful than you!" Think about it. That is ignorant and all that does is put other people down and we are living in a time in which we should ALL love one another AND accept the fact that we are ALL different and being different is not ugly. The fact that we are all different is what makes us ALL EQUALLY BEAUTIFUL!!!!!!!!!!!! Impress me with your mind, NOT with your body. (There were so many things I wanted to say, but I couldn't. I cannot stand his hypocrisy. The guy lives in LA. Fakeness is a way of life.)
7. Women with no morals, self-worth, or values. See below for examples.

EXAMPLES:

- Pot-heads and women to go to raves every weekend just to get high. Also I NEVER date women with a coke habit. (I met one once and she turned out to be a scumbag) (No siree, he doesn't stereotype.)
- The type of women who can not use their fingers to count the number of people she has slept with, that goes for women AS WELL AS men. I would prefer it if you used only one hand to count the number of people you slept with but that might be asking too much. (By the way: I can) ABSOLUTELY NO PORN STARS!!! I believe that sex is a sacred ritual of communicating how much you love and care for your partner and how committed you are to the relationship and if any woman can not respect that, I don't want to date her. (Really, I'm so relieved that I don't make the list. I'm glad he's slept with fewer than five people. He's also probably one of those guys who overdramatises sex and makes it boring. By elevating it to a "sacred ritual" also makes it creepy.)
- The type of women who can not control their swearing and swear in every sentence. It is OK to swear every now and then but too much swearing is a turn-off because that is not lady-like and is an example low-morality. (NOT LADYLIKE? Seriously, where is this guy from? What is wrong with him?)
- The type of women who use the "P" word to describe their private area. It is very disrespectful to themselves and shows a lack of morality and perversion. I don't mind if a woman says that word once in a while but if I hear the words "My p<<<< - The type or women who has had more one-night stands than relationships, or who has had more sex partners outside a relationship than inside a relationship. - Athiests. Automatic rejection. No Exceptions. THat goes for cult members as well. - Any woman that has ever cheated in a relationship is automatically disqualified from being a potential girlfriend. Women like that are scumbags that deserve absolutely NO RESPECT!!! There is a lot more to me than one would think. I do not want to come off as a nit-picky guy (Wait, I can't stop laughing. Really, my stomach hurts) but I want to show you that I have a very deep and complex personality and I am not shallow by any means. (HAHAHAHA.) There is a lot more that can write about myself, I just merely scratched the surface. (There can't be more. There was already too much.) I will be looking forward to hearing back from you.

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Too bad y'all can't see his picture. He says he's 5'11, but in his picture he looks like a midget chipmunk. I bet this guy makes the girls he dates (if he can even find one - oh wait, sorry, he only wants marriage) wear chastity belts.