Bad responses, part I (of many)

Examples of pathetically annoying responses to the ad I put up on Craigslist. Cut and paste replies, no reference to the ad at all (which is why I'm not writing what I put in it, just yet). I have to wonder if anyone actually reponds to these, other than telling them to return to grade school to work on their writing. My favourite ones are the guys who just send their pictures and nothing else, as if their photo alone would sell me on them. But I don't think it's fair to post their ugly mugs up, so I'll settle for text ones.

Hey you...

I'm game for some drinks... I live in Bev hills about 10 min from the grove.....About me... for fun i go to lots of fun parties and live an active social life in LA, but I'd love to take you out on a fun date.. i went to a top college and work in biz development out of entertainment... for fun i go to lots of movies premeires, golden globes, Playboy ESPY party is most recent.... where do u live... i live in bev hills... id love to meet for a drink 2nite... why dont u email me your # and pic and we can go from there :)

ciao bella,
B

Really, I don't know what to say. Obviously, he knows how to capitalise letters, but does so sporadically, which is just confusing. And it's impressing nobody when one uses 'u' instead of 'you' and '2nite' instead of 'tonight.' By the way, it is impossible in LA to get to any part of Beverly Hills in 10 minutes from The Grove (an outdoor shopping area). Big fat liar. And if I'm not mistaken, I believe Scarlett received the same email, but the guy's name was "P", not "B".

And I would love to know what is a 'top college.' I was very tempted to write back and ask that, but sometimes mysteries are better kept that way.

Hi! I just saw your profile on craiglist.org and I thought I'd drop you a line in the hope that we could get to know each other. I'm single, male, 23, and living in Orange County. I'm honest, intelligent, educated, humble, romantic, sweet, funny, attractive, respectful, courteous, etc...essentially I'm a great guy.

I enjoy music, traveling, investing, taking walks on the beach, having amazing conversations with people, photography, reading, learning, animals, etc... my interests are fairly broad.

I'm 5'11", caucasian, and I have brown hair and eyes. I have a pic of me if you'd like to see how I look, but I ask that you send me one of you first and I'll reply with mine.

Judging by your profile we have a lot in common and I think we'd get along well; we may well be perfect for each other! Anyway, I'd love to hear back from you when you have a chance to write!

Well goshdarnit, he's humble! Ha ha ha. I also like how he likes everything, and is everything. Mass appeal, I must say. The best part, however, is that he sent this email to me twice. Maybe he thought that two is better than one, and it would make me want to reply to him that much more. I mean, we might be perfect for each other! Obviously we would be. He likes everything, remember?

Hi my name is E--. I am a single 21 Male from Beverly Hills CA.
I am 6 foot 3 brown hair brown eyes muscular and glasses and a nice butt.
I am fun out going loveing and careing and a great guy to be around. I can be reached at 310-xxx-xxxx. I am allways a gentlemen. I enjoy playing tennis and golf. I like to experience new things in life. I would love to get to know you. Please give me a call back.
Love,
E--

Oh my! He's already signing his emails with 'love'! My heart flutters. Too bad he doesn't know how to use commas. That would just send me over the edge.

HELLO THERE,

I LIKED YOUR POSTING,AND THOUGHT I WOULD DROP YOU A LINE TO SAY HI,I AM A 26 YR OLD MALE IN GOOD SHAPE,LIKE TO HAVE FUN,I AM REALLY LAID BACK,DON'T SEE THE POINT IN DRAMA OR LYING,TREAT PEOPLE NICELY,I RUN MY OWN BUSINESS SO I WORK PRETTY HARD,BUT LOVE TO HAVE A GOOD TIME,IF YOU LIKE MY PIC I WILL TELL YOU MORE,BYE

I'm sorry, I can't read that. All caps gives me headaches. And he doesn't see the point in treating people nicely? Hmmm. And one last one..

All these women are gross. Hot women don't post on here, they don't need to. It's only ugly chicks on here, don't waste your time!

that is what someone placed a ad, that us men read, why would someone be so mean, and waist there time, I don't think this person is normal and told them so, I think that the women of my dreams is on this site, so I am sending my photo if you think I am possible your type, would you send me your photo back, please send to [email address], if you do send your photo back, I will send you anohter message telling you everything about me. Why would some guy put something out like this, can you beleive him, what a weird guy, how would he know what anyone looks like, he must be weird or something,. Anyway, I have a great sence of humor, hope you like my photo.

I had to read and reread this email multiple times, and I'm still not quite sure what his point is. Is he trying to be funny (and failing miserably) or is he just stupid (distinct possibility). And in his picture, he looked like Johnny Bravo. I don't know how I feel about dating cartoon characters. They're so awfully two-dimensional.

More bad e-mails tomorrow. I promise. They're funny. If only I could post the attached pictures, but that would be mean. Suffice it to say that I'm attempting to lower my standards as this isCraigslist, buuuuut... they can't go that low, it's impossible.