Let's be honest here! - 31

So, I'm actually not going to start with the tales of the first personals ad I placed, but rather one I answered. It's all the same. Making fun of people, that is. Here are snippets from the ad:

I'm a SWM, 31, 5'10", 175, athletic, attractive, employed, stable and looking for someone...

Female: There is no gray area here. You either are or are not. And the same box checked since birth.

Age: Your real age, not what you they guess you to be, or when they carded you last, or what age you like to act out, or the equivalent in dog years.

Height: Just not as tall as I am.

Weight: Proportionate with your height. If you question this, then just send your height AND weight, I can determine for you. Note: any weight you send will automatically be calculated at 10 pounds higher until proven with a photo.

Educated: See height, if you can do that math problem, its a plus. More points if you can read through this. Remember the basics from grade school? Reading, writing and arithmetic.. those still count.

Independent: I want you to want me.. but not 258 times a day by phone and email.

Honest: Please tell the truth, tell me about yourself, not about your friend or your cousin or the person you wish to be. If we get along, we'd have to meet eventually, so why not just put it all out on the table now. And if we don't like each other.. then we'll just say so.. and go our separate ways, no hard feelings. The truth is brutal but I think I'm ready for it.

Refreshingly honest, I thought. And Oh My God he can spell, capitalise properly and has correct grammar. And he has a biting sense of humour! Impossible! You can never find such people on Craigslist! So I had to answer.

I should have known better. I responded in kind to his email, and this is what I got in return:

Thanks for the reply. It's funny how many negative responces I got back from this. In all hoesty I just sent this out because I was bored and was curious to see what responces I would get back. I do believe what iw rote, but it is a little funny.

I like the fact you not to PC. I too have a tendency to say things that make u go hmm. Also, I'm not a real big fan of camping either. For some reson all the bugs just seem to know I'm comming.

Btw. I no longer have the goatte

Pardon me? What happened there? What happened to the spelling? Comprehesion of the English language? I mean, seriously, he must have paid a native English speaker to write the ad for him, given the high pathetic level of his response. Doesn't he need to meet his own qualifications of education before demanding it of girls he wants to meet? Why, I daresay he didn't even understand a quarter of my email, the big words must have been too perplexing for him. His "things that make u go hmm," must be - wow, this guy can survive the day without being beaten up?

Ah, first appearances are deceiving. Such a pity.

I am so tempted to write back, in a "brutally honest" manner, and ask what in the hell happened to his typing skills. If you're trying to impress a girl, misspelling 'reason' and 'coming' aren't a good way to start.

And he looks like an oblong version of Mr. Potato Head. That didn't help matters either.